30 somes

My life in Wilmington has been quite interesting in the friend department. I almost wish I was born in 1979 (I'd be 30/31). Why, you might ask? Well because most of my friends are 28+. It has been awesome. With these 28+ I coach, drink and many a times get drunk with them. Yet at the same time, many times it's not anywhere the same as when I'm with people my age.

I left school today, talking with someone who I deeply trust. We were talking about my foul mood from yesterday (Monday). When I say foul, I mean awful. Talking only when talked to, etc. Not really a great disposition when working with 7-8 yr olds. Ya know, it was chalked up to a "bad day." How many of those do you get before it's a problem? Anyway, back to when I was talking about it. I'm coming to a point, where I had a fabulous weekend. If you follow my blog, you know I'm talking junk food night with A and then hanging with K and J. All in all it was awesome, until I realized it was Sunday and the next day was Monday and work.

For those of you who know me, I get systems and games. I'm made for games. Do I like to prove points? Absolutely. Do I need to prove them like my bro and almost fail out of school...? No way. I'm too much of a people pleaser. Let's be real, I want people to be happy and respect what I do. However, I'm having a huge problem playing the game. It's hard to be motivated to get up for work, let alone be more than just a body in the classroom. I love beating the system...yet this system, is so flawed. It's making me wonder if this is what I'm supposed to do. Am I supposed to teach? I love coaching, as maddening as it can be, but that's not feasible for most jobs.

But getting back to 28+ friends. Let's see where they are in their life...marriage, or almost, buying houses, kids, and careers. Where am I? Hmmm...you asked me 3 weeks ago, I would have said becoming a teacher and coach for life, duh! Now, I'm questioning whether this is at all what I should be doing. I was told today, growing up is hard, or something along the lines. Thanks, I'm well aware. My family has been through it's own amount of tough times and continues to. I'm not one of those naive, my life is great, let me go out and buy or do whatever the hell I want, when I want. At this point (as I'm sensitive to those calling me a kid) I'm pretty sure I retorted, "I am a grown up." God, how many times can I hear you're not a grown up? Keep in mind this is one of my closest friends. I know she didn't mean it like that and she did restate yes you pay bills, have an apartment and are responsible, you do your job well, but that's different from having a career. You have SB coming up and you can get your resume in order and do some soul searching (in not so many words). GREAT.

Yet at the same time, I had some of the coaches from lax and bball over tonight for dinner. When I mentioned my job was uncertain as a full day (allows me to coach), let alone in general, they asked what are they going to do? As uncomfortable as it was (bc the spotlight was on me), it was so nice to hear that some people thought my being was helpful for them. Like they'd actually miss me if I wasn't here for the daily grind, it mattered.

I understand the tough love, but sometimes I just need something different. I don't want the reality all the time. Is there something I'm missing about life? I know it isn't supposed to be a cake-walk, but why does it feel like everyone else has it together in at least one facet of their life, if not most? What am I missing? Any suggestions are greatly accepted...